Great show tonight, Rocko.

YA OUTTA YER FUCK' MIND? IT WAS CRAP. YER TIMING WAS OFF. AS ALWAYS. THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T LAUGH ONCE.

I don't think we were that bad.

THAT'S YER PROBLEM, YA DON'T THINK. YA GO OUT THERE AND ASSUME WHAT YER DOIN' IS ENTERTAININ'. YA CAN'T CRITICIZE YER OWN WORK. OR HEAR THAT THE AUDIENCE AIN'T LAUGHIN'.

They laugh plenty.

IN YER MIND. YA BRING NOTHIN' TA THIS ACT.

I wrote it.

SO?  IT'S JUST WORDS ON PAY-PA. A THREE-YEAR-OLD COULD DO THAT. I BRING 'EM TO LIFE. YOU KILL 'EM.

If we rehearsed more-

CAN'T GET BLOOD FROM YER TALENTLESS STONE. LUCKY PEOPLE COME TA SEE ME.

You wouldn't be out there without me.

YOU LESS SO.

You’d be lifeless on stage.

YER ALWAYS LIFELESS ON STAGE.  I DO ALL THE WORK WHILE YA SIT THERE WITH YER HAND UP MY ASS.

I'm more than that.

THEN GO OUT THERE WITH YER HAND UP YER OWN ASS.

That's it. I'm putting you back in the box.

WHAT'LL YA DO WHILE I'M IN THERE? GO DOWN TO THE BAR AND TRY TO MEET A GIRL. I'M THE ONLY REASON YA EVER GET LAID. YA CAN'T TALK TO A GIRL WITHOUT ME.

I can-

STOP DELUDING YERSELF. YA'VE HID BEHIND ME ALL YER LIFE. ANY FRIEND, FUCK OR JOB YA GOT WAS BECAUSE I DID ALL THE TALKIN'. WHAT IF I STOPPED?

You won't.

TRY ME.

Fine. We’ll go down to the bar and talk to some women.

I'LL TALK. YA KEEP YER YAP SHUT.

Yes, Rocco.

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT WHATCHA HAVE TA SAY.

I know.

GOOD. NOW DRESS ME IN THAT SEERSUCKER SUIT. THE CHICKS DIG IT.

Yes, Rocko.

Tom Misuraca is a Boston native now living in Los Angeles. Over eighty of his short stories have appeared in publications worldwide. Two of his novels have been published, including the vampire parody novel, Lifestyles of the Damned.